Never Again, Love

He stares out at the sunrise, willing it to go back in time, reverse itself somehow. He knows, just as surely as thunder follows lightning, that when the sunrises and the new day begins, he loses all he had last night; the love of the person beside him in bed, still sleeping on. The knowledge tears at his heart, rips it open, and leaves him bleeding.

He's wanted for so long, aching and screaming for years, always silently, from a distance. He wants what he never thought he could have; now knows he will never have again.

A shifting of sheets alerts him to the fact that his companion is waking up. He feels the sheets slide away, knows without looking that Gerard has sat up.

He feels the hands he knows so well, the hands that held him so tightly, yet so tenderly, last night, come to wrap around his chest. He refuses to turn, choosing to stare straight ahead, right at the pink glow spilling in.

"We can't do this again, love," that voice whispers, filled with silent despair and unquenchable longing. "No one can know it ever happened…"

He nods, feeling his own hand come up to grasp Gerard's. "I understand; it was a one-time thing. But," he says, voice cracking, "I have to know….did you mean it last night? When…when you said you loved me?"

Gerard breaths in sharply, tightening his hold suddenly. "Yes; everything that happened last night was real. But, love, we can't do this; it's wrong. We'd never be accepted by anyone…" And again he nods, closing his eyes tightly. He feels Gerard turn his head to face his own, listens when he hears, "Look at me, please, baby?"

His eyes open and are met with hazel orbs of sorrow and love. The soft lips that he always longs for come forward and touch his own sweetly. After a moment they both pull back and look at each other.

"I love you too, Gee." He whispers, allowing the tears to slip down his face. Reverently, Gerard wipes them away carefully, and then leans forward to steal one last slow, sweet kiss. Then he stands up and, with a soft, "I love you," he collects his clothes and slips out the door, heading for his own hotel room.    

He turns back to the sunrise and, allowing the torrent of tears to begin falling, Mikey whispers, "I love you too, Gerard."